the mountains ahead

Sunday, January 30, 2005

i got my glasses?!
haha. im shocked at how real this is.
i was just casually mentioning it like a week ago?
ahha. look like a nerd.
YAY!
hahha. i have perfect eyesight btw,
just for vanity purposes. =p
gawd, im horrible. hehe

first time i forget to bring my handphone out.
so funny, it was like i seriously just didnt bring it.
i assumed it was in my bag
and i was wrong.
haha.
ohh. wht happened to all the clutches on earth ah?
cant seem to find a nice, chic yet casual one.
not like i've found any yet.
haha. im so fussy.
i keep thinkin new year's next week.
ugh, 2 more matches coming along.
hope i DO NOT FREAK out.
quite fun actually shopping along.
i can make quite a habit outta it.
khekhekhe, hiak.
i miss you.

YEAH,
LIKE YOU'LL FUCKING CARE.
I KEEP TELLING MYSELF MAYBE YOU STILL DO
YOU KNOW, PINNING THAT SMALL THOUGHT OF HOPE.
MUST BE ~~MIGHTY BULLSHIT.~~
ACTIONS SHOW ALL,
IF YOU ARE TRYING TO AVOID ME.
TELL ME STRAIGHT IN THE FACE,
"HEY, STOP BOTHERING ME!"
YESYES, I WOULD BE UPSET.
AT LEAST I KNOW FOR SURE.

FUCK

Saturday, January 29, 2005

there's like patches on my face,
nth to do about it >.<
shitt
got remedial in 1/2 hour's time. haha.
im so sian.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

i dont think words can describe how sad i am
how dissapointed i am in you
and how messed up i have been feeling.
you dont care.
and even if iw anted you to, you wouldnt
you're way too selfish.

i do not understand EVERYTHING.
how you use your words, how you go back on everything you have said.
FUCK YOU.

why cant you like and really show that you like,
or dont like and say you DONT LIKE
makes things simpler dont you think.
oh i forget, commitment?!
FUCK commitment?
it doesnt come with time.
i dont understand your form of fucking time consuming commitment!

"In Loving Memory"Thanks for all you've doneI've missed you for so longI can't believe you're goneYou still live in meI feel you in the windYou guide me constantlyI've never knew what it was to be alone, noCause you were always there for meYou were always there waitingAnd ill come home and I miss your face soSmiling down on meI close my eyes to seeAnd I know, you're a part of meAnd it's your song that sets me freeI sing it while I feel I can't hold onI sing tonight cause it comforts meI carry the things that remind me of youIn loving memory ofThe one that was so trueYour were as kind as you could beAnd even though you're goneYou still mean the world to meI've never knew what it was to be alone, noCause you were always there for meYou were always there waitingBut now I come home and it's not the same, noIt feels empty and aloneI can't believe you're goneAnd I know, you're a part of meAnd it's your song that sets me freeI sing it while I feel I can't hold onI sing tonight cause it comforts meI'm glad he set you free from sorrowI'll still love you more tomorrowAnd you will be here with me stillAnd what you did you did with feelingAnd You always found the meaningAnd you always willAnd you always willAnd you always willOoo'sAnd I know, you're a part of meAnd it's your song that sets me freeI sing it while I feel I can't hold onI sing tonight cause it comforts me

i contridict my words, sighh.
confrontation number 4.
hopefully, the last.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

seriously, if you liked me
we wouldnt be in today's postition where,
you dont text me,
you dont even bother replying,
you dont call,
you dont aknowledge my presence,
you dont care if im dead or alive,
crudely said.

now now, what about comittment and the time you need?
isnt that we all need?
some time to push everything away.
sometime to delay and just dump me.
then dont lead me on!
fuck.
i am getting pissed again.

fuck you
frustration
confusion
~~all your FAULT~~
yikes

fuck you
frustration
confusion
~~ll your FAULT~~
yikes

Monday, January 24, 2005

im upset.
i felt invisible
i probably was.
i wished you cared just that little bit to smile or look up.
but i was wrong.
i hate you for being the person that is so indecisive.
i hate you for being such a blockhead
i hate you for being such an idiot.
i hate you for leading me on.
because i am stranded and have no where to go.
are you happy now?!

met an perv
fuck, i swear i am purely digusted
trying to take upskirts?!
please mister schoolboy,
our school skirts are brown and long
we are ALL wearing shorts too.
so wtf do u wanna take?
asshole.
wearing sch uniform somemore.
springfield. wth?
soo damn pissed.
ignorance will ruin you one day.
STUPIDITY LAAAAA.
pui. im digusted whtever it is.

aiyah. i still like you la. fuck.
part of me is like fucking gone.
no idea how it hurts.

Friday, January 21, 2005

has it been a week yet?
i dont know.
it feels like so long since i had a sms from you
2 more left.
that's it.

brrr. going to chinatown later on.
so cool.
something my dad's enthu about.
really funny dont you think.
chinatown?
bleahh. i slep t like 13 hours today. an amazing 11 hours left.
time jus flies like this.
what if i die tommorrow?
would i ever get a chance?
im not saying i would die tomorrow la.
WHAT IF..
ahhh. haha.
self absorbed.
self absorbed.
nth bout themselves.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

i am feeling melancholic
i am confused.
read somewhere it was good to be confused,
and check things out to clear your doubts.
in my case, no matter how much i clear
i end up getting more swept under the carpet.
it is very interesting how i am reacting to all this.
suprisingly numb.
bird flu's on the rise again.
this time in vietnam,
my bio teacher said that a group of doctors and scientists prediect.
an epidemic will hit earth in the next 10 years and alot of humans will die.
it seriously scared the shit out of me as there is just so many things i havent done.
but does it matter?
dying aint exactly a bad idea too?
what is life after death?
i am mighty interested to find out.
hm. planned to actually revise chemistry and biology over the weekened.
is it possible?
i can feel my motivation ebbing away.
got quite a hefty pile of homework waiting to be done.
i cant believe how fast this year is progressing.
i feel like im in some time warp.
i want to watch the aviator!
who is free enough to go with me?!
havent seen a movie in ages.
the last probably being national treasure,
which actually isnt that old.
but it certainly feels like a long time.
i really miss msg-ing you and stuff.
though not weighing much in content...
what rubbish am i talking about. content is all that matters.
let me rephrase it,
i just miss you la.
you're so busy with work you cant even spare 2 minutes.
maybe i just dont understand the whole thing la.
maybe i was just some girl who couldnt stop pestering you.
maybe i wasnt even the one you are thinking of now.
but whould you even care?
dont think so. you never spare a though for how i would feel.
you never spare a thought at all.
its not worth it but im hanging on.
let's just see how long till i fall.
and when i do, i hope the hatred would go away with the bump.
if not, i would remain bitter and full of anger shit. =/
bahh. what am i talking about?
east zone is gonna start.
im worried and scared and anxious and upset.
i am going to miss soooo many bio lessons.
i do wanna at least get a 4-1 or 3-2 score.
omg. it would be cool to beat one school too.
is that possible? i dont know.
we are one helluva emotional bunch.
it would be very easy to make us nervy.
i cant take it any much longer.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

new blog ;)
stupid URL i know but hey, im spastic.
many things happened recently,
and I'm currently trying to make the best out of everything-
as of now.
I really hope we can be like who we used to be?
I dont know if you're up to accepting me but I stay in the hope of it.
Spent like 2 hours on this.
Something was alittle wrong on this template.
Fine now, i think?
I am currently feeling lonely.
I wish you were there you know?
Maybe it had always been wishful thinking on my part,
but you certaininly made it feel so real.
Thrice i have tried.
and it has remained neutral since.
We don't even talk no more,
so is this just going to end?
this way?
6 months and counting.
every second every minute every hour every day.
though you don't always know it.
I care.
Or at least, I cared.
I dont know whether should i hang on or just fall.
Can't you just make yourself clear?
I miss you.