All week, I've been counter-productive, lonely and just a bit "out of touch" with society.
I tried to get more sleep. But projects, worries and caffeine kept me awake.
I had trouble sleeping, only finally getting some shuteye 3+ in the morning, sometimes even earlier, close to dawn.
For a week.
Now, for someone like me, it was abnormal.
Today was the accumulation of all that lack of sleep.
Got to bed at only 4+ last night, and woke up at 9 today and couldn't get back to sleep.
Had a relatively carefree day to the extent of almost ignoring Carbison though I haven't seen him 5 days not seeing him for another 4 days... I couldn't register much of anything he said.. (I'm sorry baby) but I was relaxed, I was... momentarily at peace.
Wednesday night was my saving grace to me initially, I read some notes, did work and really felt for once... empowered by a sense of... responsibility and happiness that I did actual work. My to-do list was getting shorter and I was going to have some time of. For some me time, shopping, drinking chitchatting..
& it kinda all crashed. Like this idea I've actually for once done enough as a thin defense between me and the world ... well, I feel like I did nothing the whole week except let time pass and slack yet not feel relaxed or content or happy or well-rested. No outlet for release aka eating/shopping because I'M BROKE COMPLETELY not that it was anybody else's fault but mine... but the stress is there and mounting as I milk all funds dry.
It's not your fault. I don't blame you. You may have even been joking. (Bad joke)
But I just wished you would have considered how I felt first in face of the mounting stress and pressure as recess week looms to an end.
Fine, I haven't studied, I haven't done research but I'll do it k. I'll do it.
girl, clubbing's out of the question now. I've got work to do.
