Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
I guess this is it.
19.1.2005 - 4.11.2008
So many r/s went past (:x)
so many conflicts and issues
But underlying I think I still have the same problems.
Insecurity, need for attention, deficient in the academic side.
Feeling like I'm never going to be good enough.
I think I've had enough.
Dear friends who have still here (: much love much much love (:
you girls know who you are (:
Saturday, September 27, 2008
All week, I've been counter-productive, lonely and just a bit "out of touch" with society.
I tried to get more sleep. But projects, worries and caffeine kept me awake.
I had trouble sleeping, only finally getting some shuteye 3+ in the morning, sometimes even earlier, close to dawn.
For a week.
Now, for someone like me, it was abnormal.
Today was the accumulation of all that lack of sleep.
Got to bed at only 4+ last night, and woke up at 9 today and couldn't get back to sleep.
Had a relatively carefree day to the extent of almost ignoring Carbison though I haven't seen him 5 days not seeing him for another 4 days... I couldn't register much of anything he said.. (I'm sorry baby) but I was relaxed, I was... momentarily at peace.
Wednesday night was my saving grace to me initially, I read some notes, did work and really felt for once... empowered by a sense of... responsibility and happiness that I did actual work. My to-do list was getting shorter and I was going to have some time of. For some me time, shopping, drinking chitchatting..
& it kinda all crashed. Like this idea I've actually for once done enough as a thin defense between me and the world ... well, I feel like I did nothing the whole week except let time pass and slack yet not feel relaxed or content or happy or well-rested. No outlet for release aka eating/shopping because I'M BROKE COMPLETELY not that it was anybody else's fault but mine... but the stress is there and mounting as I milk all funds dry.
It's not your fault. I don't blame you. You may have even been joking. (Bad joke)
But I just wished you would have considered how I felt first in face of the mounting stress and pressure as recess week looms to an end.
Fine, I haven't studied, I haven't done research but I'll do it k. I'll do it.
girl, clubbing's out of the question now. I've got work to do.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
I suddenly feel so alone. So lonely.
I mean, it's frightening. The intensity of it all.
Like J wants to meet for supper... but I can't I'm in hall.
Like I want to meet people to go out... but I can't I'm in hall, I have no $$$
Like I want C to make me laugh... but he can't because he's sleeping like 25km away from Hall 3.
Like I want to do things that make me happy... but I can't because work keeps haunting me.
Not that I'm productive.
Like I want to talk to my mother... but I can't I don't know how to.
Like I want to bathe but... I'm scared.
Okay this sounds freaking silly but I feel better. Thanks for listening.
Alone in hall
Mama Mia playing away
And I drift
To time when you was still with me.
The 5 days was intense.
I was upset with you.
Then excited, then amused then happy
And lastly so so SO proud.
And my friends, WOW them.
Acceptive and fun and open to the idea of cohabitation.
I really appreciate and he does too.
He keeps reminding me to thank them... Yanling in particular.
I love them all so much.
And i'm in hall, they're at home, he's at camp.
But I'm strangely content.
Sigh, I hate growing old.
Monday, September 15, 2008
It might have taken me a long long time to realise this...
But 2008 has been a good year insofar. Though it's tough, (UNI IS TOUGH K)
and I feel like I can't breath mostly... It has been good.
I went on a holiday with the best-est people around!
I learnt to dive/combat my fear of water/HAD SO MUCH BLOODY FUN.
I'm with him.
Now all I need is an all-expense paid trip to Europe for 3 months and I'll be content.
Kidding. What I need now is... some sense of priority and my baby (:
I'm so mushy I can't stand it.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
A lot has happened.
Well seeing that I don't blog so much... it's obvious I can't remember anything.
Okay, I'll take it slow.
So my mondays are usually bad sometimes worse cos I have to paint banners :x
But seriously, I mean, it's fun but when I stand up after squatting for so long I see stars...
Or rather rather wide whit spaces. This could be promptly classified as "spacing out" LITERALLY.
And then there is Tuesday where you get whipped off from AGM to eat prata and just chill/sleep (: (:
Wednesday is to meet up old pals and chill AGAIN.
Thursday is to... Slack slack. Do "work"
Basically I don't do much work and it worries me but I can't do anything about it.
Oh btw, Publication is using the gist of my design to be their design. Awesome aye. Wish it was the original of course but whatever. I'm done with my "all-ness"
On a totally random note, I'm hungry and deciding to wear; yellow sundress or red shirt with bow-tie. I actually can't wait to wear my bow-tie somewhere! Gosh, I need like 3 more of the Muji cameras! NEED WANT DESIRE!
And I have this weird obsession with memo pads now AND MAMA MAI!
Yes I've been broken-hearted, blue since the day we parted. My my, how can I resist you!I love it. High-energy boom boom boom all the way. Entertaining, sing-along, bop to the beat movie. But I kinda felt tired for the cast? Too "I'm here, I'm there, I'm everywhere"... If you got what that meant :s
I'm hungry! I wanted to post pictures... but I realised I haven't been taking any, or saving any at least. Soooo bummer.
All I've been doing... graphic-wise, is go onto my current another obsession, www.ffffound.com and trawl the web for aesthetic details that appeal to me. Quite easily la, I easily save 7 out of 10 pictures.
Ta-daaaah!
So nice... sigh. I'll dissolve into thin air la for the amount of workload.
Oh the weekend has been eventful. HAHAA.
Friday was Bugis. Didn't have my camera SO DAMN WASTED A GOOD OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE PICTURES OF THE NLB NB!
Met Abigail, Kahyih and Jingwei!
AND THEN YANLING at night with HoeChuan! Small world.
Turns out my grandpa used to frequent that dimsum place. Awww, I've never met him.... so.. it's nice to have some kind of connection. Had a little midnight dalliance at Mustafa and need to sleep. Saturday was bad day. Only meet at like 5? Ate all of one meal that day! Met Bez Gang ! Bernice! Ages since I saw her la! She looked bit stunned though. Nevertheless, I walk past NIE 5 days a week!
I'm still hungry. Neigh.
I think I'm going to be one of those people who can't be bothered about their GPA...
YEAH RIGHT. I think my parents will disown me, I'll never get a job.
AH I can't help it. I've been socially programmed to behave like a android ): youthinkidontwanttoslackandrelaxmehhhhh
Such a long draggy post for no one nothing in particular. Just felt like writing nonsensically and not having to cite sources and shizzle.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
My other ride is a rocket! says: (10:01:08 PM)
changed again
My other ride is a spaceship! says: (10:01:11 PM)
okay
Been forcing C to change his stewpid nick. LOL.
x
x
x
x
x
SUCCESS!
We're going to other space people.
Bye y'all!
